Rarely Wears Lipstick has moved!
The time has finally come. Yes, I've only gone and moved to a self-hosted WordPress install! Thanks to the fantastic technical skills of Amanda Jones, you can now find me over at...
My posts on BitchBuzz: Sex
One of my favourite subjects to write about for BitchBuzz has been sex. Not only have I written opinion pieces and shared a few tips, but I've also reviewed sex-related books, conferences, exhibitions and museums. I've pondered why some people think burlesque is all about sex, discussed a bit of health and safety, and have also ranted about Fifty Shades. Here are some links to a few of my favourite BitchBuzz Sex articles from the the last few years...- Stay safe and get tested
- Flicking the ol' bean: girls and solo sex
- Does female ejaculation actually exist?
- Helpful tips for when you're 'going down'
- A girl's guide to good ol' back door lovin'
- Kink 101: curious about your kinky side?
- Why not take the 'scenic route' in bed?
- Why your sex life is none of my business
- Having fun while 'flying the red flag'
- Things teen mags never told you about sex
- Say yes to 21st century sex and relationships education
- Getting off on good vibrations
- Should consent be assumed in fantasies?
- How to have better sex, but not the Cosmo way
- The pleasure of antici...pation
- How to cope with a lack of sex
- Is female sexual arousal disorder a myth?
- Going home for Christmas? Keep it down!
- Friends with benefits: perfection or problematic?
- What's the most offensive word to use in bed?
- Should our private lives be public knowledge?
So long, farewell, auf weidersehen, goodbye!
As you probably all know by now, I am about to begin two years of part-time study alongside my full-time job. I've spent the last few weeks planning and chatting to colleagues who have also done an MA whilst working, and it's slowly been sinking in. Even if I cancel my entire social life or only update this site once a week, one thing was sadly inevitable: I will no longer have time to write for BitchBuzz.I have enjoyed the last two years and ten months tremendously. BitchBuzz is a wonderful website with great content and I am so proud to have been able to contribute. With the help and support of Cate Sevilla, her team of writers and the lovely BitchBuzz readers, my own writing has improved considerably and I have learnt so much along the way. Back in December 2009, the first of many articles I've written for BitchBuzz was published. Entitled Respect & Protect: Condoms, HIV/AIDS and Ignorance, I started as I meant to go on. My aim for my weekly sex column was to educate rather than titillate. After all, there were plenty of people already doing that on the internet and they were far better at it than I could ever hope to be! My blurb on the credits page said:
"The ethical non-monogamist known as Lori has spent over 17 years involved in extensive field research in order to ensure BitchBuzz readers are well informed about sex. It's been a long and winding road, taking her from young ingénue to woman of the world, via an appearance on Channel 4's More Sex Tips for Girls. She is hoping to be able to fully reclaim the word slut for the good of womankind some time in 2012."So, did I achieve what I set out to do? It's pretty much impossible for one woman alone to change the opinions of the western world, but I like to think that I did a tiny little bit to help. If I changed the opinion of one reader, opened someone's mind to new possibilities, encouraged even one person to be proud that they are gay/bi/straight/kinky/slutty/asexual/whatever, then it will all have been worth it. I may have started out writing about sex because I thought I knew something about it, but I soon realised that there is so much more that I don't know.
Over the next week I shall share some links to my favourite BitchBuzz articles that I have written on sex, relationships, style, culture, feminism and life in general. I hope you'll enjoy re-reading some of my 'best bits' from the last few years, and I also hope that you'll continue to read what the site's current writing team have to offer. Goodbye BitchBuzz - it's been fantastic!
Escaping Sundayitis – for good!
Guest Blogger #18 - Chantal Younis has been working in international marketing for over 14 years. Through her consultancy, she works with business owners, entrepreneurs and charities to set up practical, effective and creative marketing. You can catch up with her marketing musings on her blog or on Facebook.
You may have a work life you love. In that case well done! You can skip this post and go onto the next one. However if you find yourself with the creeping anxiety, ‘there must be more to life than this”, or just looming deflation on Sunday evening about Monday morning, read on.
Six months ago I was getting Sundayitis on a Friday evening. I decided life was too short to be living for weekends, annual leave and loving May because it has three bank holidays in it. I had a successful, management job in the city, an amazing network of friends and went abroad for trips three or four times a year. But none of that eased the sheer agonising dullness of my work-a-day week.
I knew I was deeply dissatisfied and the hardest thing I needed to do was to work out what it would be that would make me happy. Here are six steps I used. An Enjoyment Audit was what I called it. They are silly-simple, but they work. They certainly did for me.
Note – these are mainly list based, because I am built that way (if I do something off list, I add it on to the bottom and cross it off). But mind-maps, pictures, sketches or whatever makes sense to you would all work.
I set up and ran Barelesque, a charity show that was a finalist for the Erotic Awards. I started mentoring, helping creatives monetise their skills and create a work life they loved. After a while, as one of these friends pointed out, perhaps it was time to try a dose of my own medicine. For me the solution was to quit that job in the city and work on my marketing full time with individuals and businesses who cared about what they were doing. Promoting and producing Barelesque and doing career mentoring gave the stepping stones and the confidence to do that.
Going it alone is the next stage, not one that may suit most, and entire story for another day. However doing a enjoyment audit is a very good place to start and my Love My Life List reminds me of what is important on those Monday mornings.
You may have a work life you love. In that case well done! You can skip this post and go onto the next one. However if you find yourself with the creeping anxiety, ‘there must be more to life than this”, or just looming deflation on Sunday evening about Monday morning, read on.Six months ago I was getting Sundayitis on a Friday evening. I decided life was too short to be living for weekends, annual leave and loving May because it has three bank holidays in it. I had a successful, management job in the city, an amazing network of friends and went abroad for trips three or four times a year. But none of that eased the sheer agonising dullness of my work-a-day week.
I knew I was deeply dissatisfied and the hardest thing I needed to do was to work out what it would be that would make me happy. Here are six steps I used. An Enjoyment Audit was what I called it. They are silly-simple, but they work. They certainly did for me.
Note – these are mainly list based, because I am built that way (if I do something off list, I add it on to the bottom and cross it off). But mind-maps, pictures, sketches or whatever makes sense to you would all work.
- Write a list of all the things you would do if you won the lottery; clear your desk, put on our favourite inspiring music, turn off the phone and go crazy. Don’t self-edit – just brainstorm.
- Write a list of things to do if you had six months to live. See the instructions above and apply.
- Compare the lists side by side.
- List one should sum up what you would do if money were not an issue.
- List two defines that which is important to you when there is a lack of time (and there is never enough time!). It should weed out all those day-to-day things we think we “ought” to do, that don’t necessarily add value to our lives.
- Look for the correlations – travel, reading, crafting, learning, spending time with your family? This will leave you with a list of what is important to you. This is your Love My Life List.
- Next leave behind that mind-set that these are things to do once you have the day-to-day business of living done. You can’t just live for weekends or retirement. Having worked out what makes you tick, now is time to decide you deserve to have these things make up the bulk of your life. This is possibly the hardest step, as it will go against most of what you have always been told to do... work hard now and you will get what you want when you retire/find a husband/die and go to heaven. Personally I’d rather enjoy what I do right now than take a punt on the unknown future.
- Now look at your day to day life. Work. Hobbies. Weekends. Trips. Drudgeries. How much of this matches up to what is on your Love my Life list? How much of what you do right now makes your heart sing. Ask your nearest and dearest for their thoughts of when you are happiest and what you do best. This can shed an interesting light on things.
- Set out five things you can do in the next week to shift away from the things that drag you down and let you do more of what you love.
- Get someone else to take them on: Your hated tasks (balancing the books) can very well hit someone’s satisfaction list. Cajole, swap and negotiate your way around these.
- Get rid of them: Do they really need to be done? What happens in six month’s time if they are not? Some things matter – taxes won’t go away. Something’s don’t – no one will die if you don’t alphabetically order your CD shelf.
- Prioritise the things you love. Offer to take on new projects that involve them. Develop them. Practise them. Let people know you love cooking and will cater for their dinner party for a reasonable price or skill swap. Start that adult ballet class. The more you do of what you love, the more you love.
- Add a new five each week until you feel you have the right balance.
I set up and ran Barelesque, a charity show that was a finalist for the Erotic Awards. I started mentoring, helping creatives monetise their skills and create a work life they loved. After a while, as one of these friends pointed out, perhaps it was time to try a dose of my own medicine. For me the solution was to quit that job in the city and work on my marketing full time with individuals and businesses who cared about what they were doing. Promoting and producing Barelesque and doing career mentoring gave the stepping stones and the confidence to do that.Going it alone is the next stage, not one that may suit most, and entire story for another day. However doing a enjoyment audit is a very good place to start and my Love My Life List reminds me of what is important on those Monday mornings.
